In Other News...
- Me: I seriously need to get motivated.
- Bed: But look at how comfy I am.
- Me: No.
- Bed: Look at all these pillows.
- Me: No.
- Bed: And the warm blankets.
- Me: No.
- Bed: Think of all the dreams of Adam Levine you'll have.
- Me: Okay.
- So basically my bed seduced me with dreams of Adam Levine all day. Again.
I remember when 'Metamorphosis' was THE record to have.
- Radio: BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP
- Le 11 year old me: LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN!!
- Mom: What are you doing in there?!
- Me:
- Mom:
- Me:
- Mom:
- Me: I'M COMING CLEEEEEEEEAAAAAN.
Our Generation Fails.
- ME: -calling someone, gets voicemail- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. JUST CALL ME BACK PLEASE.
- FRIEND: -texts- What is it?
- ME: Call me.
- FRIEND: Why?
- ME: Cause it's easier than texting.
- FRIEND: Nothing is easier than texting. And I don't like calling people.
- ME: Then why the fuck do you have a phone?
- FRIEND: To text people. That's why it's called a phone.
- ME: ...I don't think I can associate myself with you anymore.
- REALLY? really?
BALDERDASH!
- Stranger: What are you doing?
- Me: What?
- Stranger: Why are you putting a Christmas tree up?
- Me: HELLO? Do you not see the snow outside?! *tourists*
Freestyle Doesn't Bother Us.
- Me: So my birthday is this weekend.
- Steve: Yeah, I know.
- Me: Where were you and mum going to take me?
- Steve: I can't tell you that!
- Me: It's not a strip club, is it?
- Steve: Why would I be going to a strip club?
- Me: I don't know, cause you go where mum goes.
- Steve: No.
- Me: Well, good. The last thing I need is some stranger shaking his glittery sack in my face.
- Steve: Oh, gross! Now I'm never going to get that image out of my head!
- Me: How do you know what the image would look like?
BECAUSE CARBONATION IS EVERYTHING.
- Me: Jeez, I'm so fucking thirsty.
- Mom: Drink some water..duh.
- Me: *INHALES 2 LITER BOTTLE OF COKE*
- Mom: Yes, because soda doesn't dehydrate you at all.
